Children left Home? Help for Parents from Flown The Nest

Introduction

Have your children recently flown the nest? Has this left you feeling relieved and happy that you now have the opportunity to do all the things you were unable to do whilst bringing up your children, or, do you feel empty, at a loss and thinking, “what do I do now?”

Many parents have spent twenty years or more of their life bringing up their children and when the last child leaves, parents can feel their most important job has finished.

Coming to terms with this stage in your life is not easy. Psychologists have created the term, ‘empty nest syndrome’ to describe the mixture of emotions that parents experience when their children are no longer around them each day. Life, as you have known it for years, has changed and will never again be the same. It is particularly hard when you have put all your emotional and intellectual skills into bringing up your children. You may not have worked for years and have few outside interests, or you may work full time and lead a very busy life, but at the same time, still feel your whole world has walked out the door.

You will find several websites giving advice on how to cope with this change in your life. It all sounds so easy simply to look forward instead of backwards, having more time to spare and to explore new opportunities. This avoids the reality that for many people, children leaving home, makes them feel older than their years now that the energy needed to nurture and protect is not required. They have become independent adults. Every autumn, parents throughout the world are faced with the prospect of saying goodbye when their son or daughter leaves home for college or university. When a child marries, it is a clear signal that the role of the parent is not the same as it once was and this can lead to feeling completely redundant.

If you have a partner, it is important to remember that you have both changed since you first met. To recreate the relationship you had before is almost impossible and is a symptom of looking back, rather than the life you will have, with the benefit of the understanding of years together.

Our children cannot possibly understand our sense of loss and this is obviously a good thing. There is no reason for them to feel any guilt for flying the nest. Your children will probably only realise why you are upset at not seeing them, when in years to come, they are faced with the same situation. Parents who admit to being affected by empty nest syndrome are often regarded by their children, as being ‘sad’. They use ‘sad’ in the modern, distorted sense of being a pathetic person who needs to get a grip of themselves, rather than the true sense of sorrow they are feeling. There is nothing wrong in missing someone.

Whilst the empty nest syndrome appears on various relationship websites, I thought there should be one devoted solely to people who know how it feels when their children have flown the nest.

Whether you welcome your freedom, or find the prospect of an empty house depressing, you will have realised that there are so many other parents who are facing the same situation.

One of the most helpful things to do is talk about your feelings to other mothers and fathers, who also find themselves in the same position.